Welcome to BH & WR's Land >>> 140807-mendinghearts.blogspot.com

Lim Wan Ru, Michelle
(Mrs. Oh)
22 going 23!
Republic Polytechnic
GRADUATED!!!
Diploma in Integrated Events Management
School of Hospitality
Modern Dance IG & JIVE IG
The Ascott Group | Somerset Bencoolen | Guest Service Officer
Happily Married!!!

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I am so fucking pissed right now! I seriously can't keep my temper when SHE starts being an idiot about the past things and blaming the children for every damn thing that happened to her pathetic life!

...

It all started when she asked me to open up my brother's blog to let her read it. Then she came to a part when it said this in his blog:

My dear mum...
I really hope u will change. im getting tired..
Please.. let others help you...
Dont be the way u are now..
Please change back to ur old self.
i miss ur old self..
Let us be one whole family again...
Im losing hopes on you...
Giving up coz i realised...

-If you dont want to be helped nobody can help you [:"

And then she got all upset just because of that piece of little text, telling me that he was blaming her for their recent quarrel and I don't know wtf else! Especially when I answered her that I didn't think it was very hurting or anything, oh boy the "party" was about to start with her!

Then there was this computer issue... She uses my laptop then recently something went wrong with my files and all, and my files are precious to me because it has almost 4 years of life stored in it. So my mum isn't like the worst IT idiot, but you know, she isn't that good with computers, so i was worried for my own stuff. Therefore, I made a new user account for her, besides my own one of course. her account is so much neater without all my rubbish on the desktop and all the files occupying every single corner of the laptop; I GAVE HER A NEW ACCOUNT TO HERSELF and guess what she said..

... YOU DON'T TRUST ME, YOU THINK I WILL DIG INTO YOUR FILES!!! I never said that woman!!! You are thinking that, but i never even said that! What is the matter with you paranoid sicko!

AND THEN, that is when the REAL "party" started! I was so freaking mad I can tell you I couldn't control my temper anymore at all! This was seriously fucked up ok.

No mood to type anymore about this now... Tonight it's going to be a night on the street for me sleeping, because SOMEONE just said she would be leaving our lives forever! Attention seeker! I must leave the house now in order for her to stay in the house... Good night people, pray for me tonight is cool night outside to get some sleep.

Today danced for like almost 5 hours, rehearsing and rehearsing for Momentum 2010! Seriously I am having sore feet like crazy and tired brains of thinking how not to panic during dancing. Lol. Lao gong was sweet enough to da bao food from his house to my school! The above photo shows the sumptuous meal he gave me, it looked so cute I had to take a picture of it!

We had a "romantic dinner" below at my void deck before he saw me home. Your the bestest best Lao gong! But seriously guys, I am really feeling like some zombie now, so I am knock myself out on bed. (:

Tomorrow going CPF HQ for some household matters.

Oh hey hi there!

Seriously nothing much to update. I am hoping for the brighter days to come. Have to talk to myself to behave and keep my attitude in check. Preparing for Dear's birthday and I am oh so excited!!! You brothers and sisters should know why I am!

Had quite a good run during dance just now, just that a blister was incurred on my left feet. T.T
Forgot to bring my ballet shoes. Sobs...

Need some steaming of man...

See this contraption on top? Yea, that's how I feel now... Just that inside that ankle cuff there is something cuffed called THE BURDEN OF A FAILED FAMILY. What I am about to tell you my dear readers might not make sense to you or you might think I may be selfish. But I have to air myself, because I am the verge of a very serious breakdown. Even though yes, you might see me as cheerful, playful, crazy and noisy on the outside... So here it goes...

Nothing seems to go right... Whichever side I choose, either one of them wouldn't be satisfied enough... Everytime I have to hear sighs, complaints, quarrels and other crap. But the thing is, whatever side I choose, I would never be happy. Because I know either one wouldn't be happy with whatever I would choose to do... Why is it so hard? I don't get it... Am I that dumb? (Ok guys, I think I lost you right here already what I am talking about but I have to go on... I am sorry.)

How I wish I could be really selfish one day and just think of how I would be happy, instead of worrying myself dead about others. The thing is, I just can't do that... My nerves are about to breakdown and I know if I really breakdown, whatever is left over of my pathetic family will break down too. I keep realizing that when I am about to fall into that bottomless pit of misery and I have to fight, struggle to pull myself back up to the surface.

I am finally getting my own life, but she isn't letting me have one. She treats me like I am 12 years old and not 22 years old. I am awake hello! My mind isn't all 1 2 3 a b c, and you have totally no idea what the hell I am thinking because you don't bother to listen. You always tell me; if you don't talk to me how can I know what you are thinking? Well, very simple, it's because you don't F-ing listen WOMAN. No wonder both your husband's left you, and both your sons left you. Can't you bloody see I am the only one who never ever left you! And now that I am finally able to obtain something I can call "MY OWN LIFE", you are RUINING it for me???! You just want my marriage to end up just like yours so the scores are even!

You only care about your own little world... You are wrong Lao Gong! She doesn't give a damn about what is going with or about me. Because everytime something happens in our house, the first person she blames is YOU! She is just finding a F-ing scapegoat to throw her misery on! I am sick and tired of that! I really can't bring myself to feel sorry for her, I really can't. She doesn't deserve it... Enough Wan Ru... Enough... Or I am going to blow my top again... It's hard to control emotions these days...


Frequently asked questions:

- You not going Uni to continue study? Why?

• Answer: Uhm... Waste time...

- Why you get married so young??

• Answer: We already planned to get married, just that the date was auspicious and blalbabla...

- Are you living with your husband now??? No? Why not?

• Well, because I didn't want to leave my mum alone. Even though, I know by right I should stay with him now, but...

What the F! I have my own reasons for all this bullshit! I just need to think of more and more crap to run away from people and hide the truth, so I can blame myself for all the things I am not doing and what I am doing!!!

“No one is useless in the world who lightens the burden of it for anyone else.”

Who is going to lighten mine?

Things to do:

- Finalize planning for prom night.
- Rehearse like crazy for Momentum 2010.
- Find a full-time job by the end of May.
- Save like bananas for our new house.
- Plan and save for a wedding dinner.
- Co-organize Gallen's birthday.
- Organize Dear's birthday. *winks*
- Go through that graduation ceremony.
- Get a prom night dress.
- Find a solution to...