You are my sunshine :)

Friday, October 24, 2008

- I so totally hate myself...

So freaking hating it... I swear to all that's dear
to me!

I HATE MYSELF...!!!

Now he is sleeping next to me... I don't know wat to say
already, and I also don't know why my balloon popped so fast
everytime I think of my mother.

Everytime, BOTH of them! Keep telling me and telling me, what
I should do, what I should not do, what I can tell my
brother, what I cannot!!! I am so sick of it... It is my own
damn brother...

Even though, I am very aware of the fact that I am very
extremely bloody blur, dumb and slow! I know
what I can tell him, and what I should not tell him.

Keep telling and telling me... As if I am some retard like that!

I hardly talk to him now a days, because we can't communicate
well... Still, I feel so used everytime...

Mother keeps complaining about my brother about his bad
temper, how she can't trust him and how not nice he
is now a days. How he plays her out behind her back...

You think I do not know??? Do you know how much it hurt
me as well... I thought he cared but I was wrong... My
own brothers you know... I know those two are your sons...
The feeling must have been terrible when they did that
to you... I am so sorry...

Then my brother, keeps telling me everytime when he is
angry with our mother. He tells me how fed up he is and
how pissed of he is because mother...

Crying doesn't help... But what should I do if I am so worse
in talking about my feelings... I was supposed to study
for my UT... Ended up crying instead...

Now... Because of me just now... Dear doesn't want to talk
to me... I told him I was sorry... I wanted to apologize
for my fed up behaviour... But he simply just told me, before I
could tell him why I was saying sorry...

"I don't know why you are saying sorry for what..."

That was that...

||| *Feeling like a good for nothing* |||

Dear&Dar

2:42 PM

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

- Going Loco!

Currently extremely stress worried and thinking
one million things and more at the same time...

List of things to do:

Concentrate on UT's
Do well in class. Continue striking those A's!
REFLECTIONS - MUSE! (ARGH!)
Biennale Race 2008
PP POSTER!!! T.T
Family thingy...
Taking care of him!

(Red is the most urgent things to attend to!)

Honestly, I feel very lost in space and trying to keep the
pieces in my head together! Tired to the core, lack of sleep.
I want to excel in all which I put my most effort in!

I hope you do read what I write here.... Maybe a blog
is not important to you... But this is the only best way
I can express myself...

I want the person I love the most to know every single thing I am
thinking of... I hope you do realize that...

Freaking tired... Later UT... Do PP poster... Rush to Causway
Point after that to buy some groceries for tonight's dinner.
Cooking for Mother, brother and Dear...

Wednesday after lesson dance... Thursday dance...
Friday, Saturday and Sunday, work...

I am sorry... I have to SIGH!

*Sighs~!*

||| *Please! I beg you! Help me throught this period!* |||

Dear&Dar

10:54 AM

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

- 14th monsary! ^-^

Isn't it cute? It is a light blue lady's wallet, with a lot of bear
bear here and there! It is a gift from Dear! For our 14th
month already... Time just seems to fly by...

... and here is the interior of the wallet. Cards all and well inside
already, set at their places!

HAPPY
FOURTEENTH
MONSARY!!!

More than words can say, I love you... =X
No replacements, it would be impossible.

You are so STUCK with this monster!!!
XD

Muackx... =3

||| I have a dream... A song to sing...* |||

Dear&Dar

3:18 PM

Friday, October 10, 2008

- Agnes, you are fucking slutty husband stealing BITCH!

I just found out, there is freaking slutty husband stealing
wretch interfering in my life.

AGNES! AGNES IS A SLUTTY HUSBAND STEALING
FUCKING BITCH!

I am sorry, I do have to sensor some words... I really do not like
to scold such words, but that slut leaves me no choice!

Let me warn you, you ugly SLUT! You like ang-moh men huh?
Throw yourself at him, claiming you freaking understand
what MY MOTHER is going through?!

Let me inform you... YOU FREAKING KNOW NOTHING DUMB SLUT!
So young, you have experienced nothing at all. Don't you
dare instegate my brother again.

I know where you and your precious little ugly brat are.
I will hunt you down, find you and make you FREAKING
sorry for the rest of your life!!!

This is not a threat, this is a promise!

If you know any English, you stupid Malaysian act Singaporean!

||| *Remember, or you'll be sorry* |||

Dear&Dar

10:10 AM

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

- The pain again.

That pain has come back to me again! Dance training on Monday
ended to be such a bad luck. My knee failed me once again...
Everytime I think of the pain, it hits me like a rock! It
makes me feel so hopeless...

It went CRACK!

So this poster above is to promote our Modern Dance troupe perfrormance
on November 14th. It is called muse. How can we inspire people?
But I think I am not going to inspire anyone in the state I
am in now. How am I to dance?

Some more, I really really worked very hard for this
upcoming performance. I tried so hard to catch up with everything
and to learn everything! I put so much effort into this
Muse performance... I am so disappointed in myself...
It is so not fair...

||| *Will I ever dance again?* |||

Dear&Dar

2:31 PM

Monday, October 6, 2008

- Sleepy, but better a bit...

Hi! This is a video I took during work. LOL!
If you were to be there it would be so much funnier to
experience the feeling of this scenario.

By the way people, the girl on the left is standing on
a platform yes. Dear is NOT standing on a platform and
he is walking on ground floor!

Anyway, there was this jerk of a ****** which I heard of
recently. He so CHEATED on Shi Rui! Just reading
whatever he wrote and whatever, made me boiling mad!
I do not know why she can be that calm. We immediately
told her to break off with that ASS. How dare he? He think
what? Girls are illiterate and dumb is it? It is like so damn
obvious la! Come on...

Ok. Too tired already! LOLX! I need to go dance now and
rush off the last pieces of my RJ.

BYES!!!

||| *Carry me home...* |||

Dear&Dar

11:34 AM

Thursday, October 2, 2008

- Lost in words...

Hi out there! I am back again... From a long long time
ago... Apologies to my faithful readers... Which I know one of
them is darling Tong Fen!

A lot of things on my mind currently, and I wish I could make you
a prettier world and be like the girl above...

Currently I am feeling like the picture above... Cried myself
to sleep last night. And how many times do I have to
tell and explain to you, it is not you that makes me cry
everytime! I feel so frustrated when I make you feel
so bad, and I can't say a single good word to make you
feel better. So lost when this kind of things happen, just
like yesterday when I talked to you.

Really, the heartache is so unbearable... But you know what is
the worst thing of all? Is that I am hurting you with my short
comings. Always trying your best to understand me, even
though it is so hard.

What you told me yesterday over the phone... It touched me
real deep... And the thing which I clinged on to the most...
Was when you told me, that you will always be there for
me. Always, no matter what...

I just really hope I am as good to you, as you are to me.
So please do not say anymore, that you always seem to
make me so unhappy! It breaks me everytime you say
that...!!!

It is not you who makes me unhappy, I feel that I am
the one which always makes you so worried and
unhappy...

I don't know. I too have no words anymore... Even in
writing... Which is very unusual...

||| *P.S.: I love you always.* |||

Dear&Dar

10:32 AM