So freaking hating it... I swear to all that's dear
to me!

I HATE MYSELF...!!!

Now he is sleeping next to me... I don't know wat to say
already, and I also don't know why my balloon popped so fast
everytime I think of my mother.

Everytime, BOTH of them! Keep telling me and telling me, what
I should do, what I should not do, what I can tell my
brother, what I cannot!!! I am so sick of it... It is my own
damn brother...

Even though, I am very aware of the fact that I am very
extremely bloody blur, dumb and slow! I know
what I can tell him, and what I should not tell him.

Keep telling and telling me... As if I am some retard like that!

I hardly talk to him now a days, because we can't communicate
well... Still, I feel so used everytime...

Mother keeps complaining about my brother about his bad
temper, how she can't trust him and how not nice he
is now a days. How he plays her out behind her back...

You think I do not know??? Do you know how much it hurt
me as well... I thought he cared but I was wrong... My
own brothers you know... I know those two are your sons...
The feeling must have been terrible when they did that
to you... I am so sorry...

Then my brother, keeps telling me everytime when he is
angry with our mother. He tells me how fed up he is and
how pissed of he is because mother...

Crying doesn't help... But what should I do if I am so worse
in talking about my feelings... I was supposed to study
for my UT... Ended up crying instead...

Now... Because of me just now... Dear doesn't want to talk
to me... I told him I was sorry... I wanted to apologize
for my fed up behaviour... But he simply just told me, before I
could tell him why I was saying sorry...

"I don't know why you are saying sorry for what..."

That was that...

||| *Feeling like a good for nothing* |||

Dear&Dar 2:42 PM